Here's my shrine to my favorite TF2 ship: Scout x Spy. In that order!
Scout and Spy are classes of mercenaries fighting an endless war over gravel. There may be one Scout on a team, or ten. They may be the same person, or ten different players. They may have a Spy or two on their team, and the opposing team may have Spies as well! Death is inevitable, and the mysterious respawn mechanic keeps them locked in a futile groundhog's day of battle.
In the official Source Filmmaker animations, Scout is the annoying Spongebob to Spy's grumpy Squidward. The tiny sponge man just wants to be friends but he's REALLY abrasive and the squid is tired of everything! Yet... the squid thinks the sponge is funny... but we all know Scout runs fast and dies a virgin.
Characters:
Text from Valve's site.
Location of Origin: Boston, Massachusetts, USA Role: Offense "The youngest of eight boys from the south side of Boston, the Scout learned early how to problem solve with his fists. With seven older brothers on his side, fights tended to end before the runt of the litter could maneuver into punching distance, so the Scout trained himself to run. He ran everywhere, all the time, until he could beat his pack of mad dog siblings to the fray." Fun Facts!
Country of Origin: France Role: Support "He is a puzzle, wrapped in an enigma, shrouded in riddles, lovingly sprinkled with intrigue, express mailed to Mystery, Alaska, and LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU! but it is too late. You're dead. For he is the Spy - globetrotting rogue, lady killer (metaphorically) and mankiller (for real)." Fun facts!
The Scout
The Spy
You may ask "aren't they RELATED?!", and the answer is I don't care! You've outed yourself as a zoomer who read the comics on tumblr before playing the game, and myself as an ancient boomer. I've liked this pairing since 2007, before there were comics. They ain't related in my head. 👴 Back in my day there was any canon, the fans made up whatever they wanted for the characters and backstories. I like it the old way. If you think they're related, great for you! I have my own headcanons that I've turned into my own characters.
RED scout x RED spy:
pure uwu. Amazing platonic potential post-Expiration Date. Never interacted much before the events, but afterwards Scout keeps dogging Spy. More teamups, though they don’t necessarily work well together (like Jungle Inferno, Spy abandoning Scout…). They grow to enjoy each other’s company and friendship.
If it happens to turn romantic/sexual on Scout’s part, it’s because his crush on Miss P has seeped into some feelings for Spy. Simply because Spy was part of his failed date attempt, and he grew closer to Spy than Miss P because he works with Spy every day, as opposed to the rare opportunities Scout has to interact with Miss P. Scout never really gets to know Miss P, while he starts to become better friends with Spy. Spy resists and rejects Scout’s advances because Scout’s just an ugly lil boy to him. This is my default Scout/Spy AU.
RED Scout x BLU Spy
Extremely ero simply because the Decapitated BLU Spy Head exists. Crossfaction makes it xtra saucy. BLU Spy is a magnet for pain, abuse, and death. In a universe where Expiration Date never happened, and RED Scout never got to know Spy, RED Scout develops a fascination with the BLU Spy.
Whether it’s through his head in Medic’s fridge, or from seeing sparse glimpses between cloaks and disguises on the battlefield. Spy resists Scout’s advances cuz he’s a heaux with standards. My student/teacher AU is this RED/BLU dynamic, because I crave conflict.
BLU Scout x BLU Spy:
a wonderful area of exploration! It could be a mirror of RED/RED, or slightly different accounting for Meet The Spy interactions between BLU Spy and the supposed BLU Scout. Or anything you can think of, because it’s really open-ended!
I personally see it as a mirror to RED/RED, just different colors for their t-shirts. A cute exploration unique to this color code would be BLU Scout wondering where his Spy went, and finding Spy in the RED Medic’s fridge. THEN they become friends if Scout manages to bring back Spy and get him sewn back together.
BLU Scout x RED Spy:
the dangerzone. Dangerously Daddy! Even back in THA DAY this was considered psuedo-incestuous, just cuz RED Spy canonically fucks BLU Scout’s mom. A lot of friction and anger here, lots of potential hatred and confusion.
This is the color pairing I deliberately avoid now for romantic/sexual ScoutSpy, though I admit it was my default SpyScout pairing when I was a kid.
There’s still a lot of interesting conflict to explore between a young man and his utmost contempt for the older man who fucked his beloved single mother. Keep it as enemies, and it’s wonderful. Slide it towards freudian psuedo-psychology, and Scout wants to fuck up AND fuck the dude who fucked his mom through a revenge developed fascination? This def teeters on FORBIDDEN territory these dayz. A christmas carol.
HEADCANONZ (mainly RED team)
AGES:
Scout is 23-27 yrs old, the youngest in the team. Scout joined the mercs when he was 17.
Spy is 54+, and the 2nd oldest of the team next to Medic because my primate brain be
like ‘hehe. old spy. almost old enough for ihop free pancakes senior discount.
sexy’’. Spy was a ripe 44-48 when he joined the mercs as n aging man's last resort
for money. This feeds into Spy’s avoidance and disrespect for Scout, because he knew
Scout since he was so young and stupid. Scout has seemingly barely emotionally (or
mentally) matured from his ten years in the mercs.
TIMELINE:
Expiration Date happened sometime earlier in Scout’s merc career, perhaps when he
was 18-20? Because it seems odd to know a teammate for more than a couple years, but
still be too timid to walk into his smoking room or ask him for advice. Yet some
time must have passed for Spy and Scout to have the rapport that they do. Expiration
Date is when Scout starts to feel a lil' funny about Spy, on account of all the fake
dating stuff. Miss Pauling's kinda hard to get. At least he sees his co-worker Spy
everyday... The in-game timeline is after Expiration Date and after they've become
friends.
ON THA JOB:
They technically do the same job of reconnaissance, but Spy thinks he’s better and
more experienced. Meanwhile, Scout is actually the one who does better at killing
AND recon. Spy is getting old and fragile and all he really has left is his wits,
while Scout is at his physical peak and could easily wrestle Spy down one-on-one.
Scout is very, very good at killing people. He is also very good at learning the
best ways to kill people. He is not a good boy with a misunderstood pure heart. He’s
more like a beat dog that’s been told only to maim and kill his entire life. Not
good, not entirely bad, mostly a victim of circumstances.
Still, Scout has to ask Spy to tutor him on certain things, especially when Scout
first joined. Advice on their jobs, advice on girls, etc. He's eager to get closer
to Spy, not necessarily friendship but even just annoying him, since the first day
he joined the mercs. Spy immediately came off as standoffish and aloof, and the cold
shoulder makes the pursuit so much more fun.
SPY'S FEELZ:
Spy’s contempt and snobbish demeanor towards Scout turns into that vaunted “fatherly concern” (thank you so much tf2wiki) for this idiot boy. That concern is buried deep within the layers of contempt and snobbishness that Spy puts forth. Perfectly DADZONED. Spy is still not overly protective of Scout. He’s fine with Scout dying. Or killing Scout himself if he needs to. He won’t hesitate, bitch.
A lot of Spy’s contempt (but also concern) comes from seeing himself in Scout. Especially when Spy was younger and dumber and stankier. They dynamic is selfcest, folks, not incest! Before Spy made it with limousines and private jets and ugly $10000 suits, he came from a similar grimy street background as Scout. The sort of conspicuous consumption he displays and brags about seems common in people who were once poor but come into welath.
Spy doesn't care enough to actively guide Scout, or he wants to hide the fact that he cares because it's embarassing. But he cares enough that he watches over Scout when Scout isn’t looking (thank you based Expiration Date).
Spy is not sexually or romantically attracted to Scout. He has his choice of men and women, why would he every choose Scout of all people? He slaps away all of Scout's romantic efforts.
ENDGAME:
The ideal Good End for Scout/Spy is Scout getting to stand next to Spy’s deathbed as Spy gasps his last breath dying in a hospital of old age or lung disease. No marriage, no established relationships. Just friends! Good enough friends that Spy trusts Scout with his non-Spy identity after the merc job is done and over. Spy continues to be someone Scout looks up to. Scout to Spy is…nothing exceptional. But he’s persistent, a dog that doesn’t forget his loyalties, and that’s enough to leave an impact.
WHY IS THIS BLOGH FULL OF (souprise) BUTTSEX AND H*NDHOLDING IF I DON’T THINK IT’S REALISTIC FOR THEM TO HAVE A ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP THOUGH?? Iunno man, it’s fun to draw and indulgent. It’s all AU’s anyways!!! Man, my favorite fics are the ones where they get to k*ss and all that good gooey gay shit…
CUMCLUSION:
Scout and Spy have the most fleshed out relationship between the mercs, and the most
screentime in the SFMs together. That’s what makes Scoutspy the most interesting for
me whether it’s purely platonic or butt-touching. A lot to dig through and
overanalyze in a funny videogame meant to sell pixel hats!
Official animations
2008: Meet The Scout
Scout brags about his huge peanus.2009: Meet The Spy
Spy shows Scout what he's learned about RED Spy and Scout's mom.2014: Expiration Date
Scout asks Spy about romance.Fan animations
- ✿ SCOUTCHAN OP ✿ by Uberchain :This is my absolute favorite SFM,and 70% of the reason I continue shipping Scout and Spy despite everything. Scout Chan is super kawaii, and Sen-spai is such a dreamboat.. I have a crush on him too.... Please watch this if you wish to understand me. It's my life story, zombies included.
- Survival Of The Fittest by Zachariah Scott: This is the ideal platonic Scout and Spy dynamic for me, I love the characterization in this of Spy as the composed criminal mastermind and Scout as the rabid attack dog. Get fucked up together, die together. I love it.
- Spy gets finally seduced by DasMxD : This is the ideal sequel to Expiration Date. Hit it from behind and drive her wild.
- CrySpy ft. ScoutiePie - "Flowers for my Valentine" by Coyote: Welp. I assume it's fanfiction as read by those popular youtubers, but they used the Scout and Spy models which is cute!