Summary:
Familiars often appear to witches experiencing bereavement and loneliness. A familiar which has taken human form often finds it physically painful to be apart from its summoner.
Notes:
Silly little AU based on Merasmus's ad in The Teufort Reader: Magicican's Familiar For Sale. I ain't the best writer and it's not what I usually do, but there's not a lot of Solly n' Merasmus ya know?
Story:
Page after neon green page endlessly clacked and spat from the large office printer. It seemed out of place in Merasmus’s castle, plugged in next to the rustic wood alchemy table. The modernity of a towering office printer wasn’t the anachronism in the castle though, considering the Soldier seated on the carpet wearing a tanktop and military trousers.
Soldier had been watching the machine with fascination for the last few minutes. At this point there were so many papers that they no longer stacked themselves on the printer tray. They simply flew out onto the floor, green papers on dusky red carpet, next to where Soldier was seated. Merasmus was stuck in a loop struggling to pick up the pages between his overgrown nails, cursing his weak back as he stacked them on the alchemy table. Every time the old wizard stooped over to pick up a handful of pages, he let out a light groan of pain. And every time he had a good amount organized on the desk, the printer spat out more pages to pick up.
Soldier picked his nose. The dog collar around his neck was getting awfully loose. He wanted to ask Merasmus to tighten it whenever he was done doing whatever he was doing.
He watched the eyeball in Merasmus’s skull headpiece bobble around in its socket as Merasmus hunched forward once more to collect papers. He wondered why Merasmus didn’t just take the goat skull off while doing this. It must be heavy.
A page landed on Soldier’s lap. He peered at it from under his helmet. On the page was a photo of himself with an large, open mouthed grin. He looked up at Merasmus, who was now weakly punching the off button of the printer to no effect.
"What're these papers for? Why do they have my face on them?"
The wizard glanced at Soldier, still tiredly pushing the printer button. "Merasmus is going to staple these around the neighborhood and see if anyone wants a familiar. Though I seem to have printed about five hundred more pages than I intended."
"Oh, okay."
"You'll be going for $3, or free, or best offer. So you'd best pack up your belongings now. Trained familiars are in short supply, and I imagine you'll be going quite quickly."
"Alright.” Soldier rubbed his chin in contemplation, then tugged on the nametag dangling from his collar. “Wait. You can't give me away. It says right here, return Soldier to Merasmus if found."
"Oh, yes I can! Merasmus RIPPED your essence from igneous clouds of eldritch space, CURDLED you out of a stray hellhound and a pile of trash into this mortal coil, and Merasmus will CAST you out as he pleases!"
The magician swung his arms and gestured dramatically at the rubble littering the room, the debris leading up to the Soldier-shaped hole in the stone castle wall. "Merasmus is getting too old for this!"
"Too old for what? You can jump through the walls with me next time, if you want.”
"Merasmus is five thousand nine-hundred and fifty three years too old to be cleaning up after your raccoons and murder sprees! I've had to raise two people from the dead today, and manually unsnap their necks so police wouldn’t question me! With THESE hands!" Merasmus glowered at Soldier and rubbed his narrow wrists. They popped and cracked from the slight pressure. "My arthritis is flaring up quite badly, and I haven’t had time to see a doctor because I’ve been taking care of the messes you leave. I can’t find my pain medication either, and I have a feeling you know where they went."
Soldier frowned. “I thought it was candy. You shouldn’t have put them in the bathroom cabinet where you put the Halloween candy too.”
Merasmus knitted his brows and opened his mouth to refute Soldier’s statement, and in fact the “Halloween candy” was actually his insulin and heart medication, but he was interrupted by Soldier grabbing his thighs. Soldier crawled up the wizard’s black robe and pushed forward, squishing Merasmus down against the desk with his barrel chest. He knocked the stacks of flyers on the desk over, and they scattered down on the floor once more.
Merasmus struggled weakly against Soldier's massive body, suffocating in Soldier’s heavy pectorals. He pushed back with thin bony hands against the Soldier’s chest, and the larger man obediently moved back a bit. Merasmus gasped for air and clambered up from the desk, pushing himself back up into a standing position. Though Soldier was at least twice as wide as Merasmus, the hunched old wizard was still a good head taller than him. He stared down at Soldier's face, widely smiling as if nothing had happened, then slumped down to sit on the desk.
The printer continued clacking and mechanically pumping out pages. The grinning photos of Soldier on the flyers matched the grin on the real Soldier’s face.
"You're too big."
"But you made me this way!"
Soldier pawed at the belt of Merasmus’s robe. His calloused hands travelled to the sides of Merasmus’s hips, and he roughly gripped them as he lifted the wizard up from the desk. Soldier’s helmet knocked against Merasmus’s headpiece. The army helmet fell off his head, hitting the printer and tumbling on the floor next to the printed flyers.
Merasmus glared down at Soldier.
"You're clumsy, and inconsiderate."
"But you made me this way!
Merasmus wrapped his arms around Soldier’s shoulders, and let Soldier carry him over to a wall. Soldier whined and humped against Merasmus's crotch. He leaned Merasmus against the wall, then lifted the layers of Merasmus's robe and draped them over the wizard's bony hips.
"Selfish! You never think of what I want."
The protruding stones of the castle wall were painful on Merasmus’s back, and he much preferred the familiar comfort of Soldier’s muscular arms. Merasmus ran his knobby fingers down Soldier's shoulders and arms, beckoning Soldier to hug his body. Soldier obeyed. He dragged his hands up from Merasmus's hips and bear hugged Merasmus's body.
Soldier’s chest heaved slowly against Merasmus’s skeletal body with every breath. Though the wizard was smothered once more underneath Soldier’s weight, the breath of another living being comforted and warmed him. He usually felt so cold.
Merasmus relaxed into Soldier’s arms, and grinded his ass into Soldier's hardening erection. Soldier held Merasmus tight, giving small rough gropes to Merasmus's back with his hands. He began pushing the tip of his dick into Merasmus.
Merasmus muffled his groan into the crook of Soldier's neck.
"You're too big."
"You made me this way."
Merasmus reached down and guided Soldier into him, bony fingers barely able to wrap around Soldier's erection. Soldier pushed forward slowly. Merasmus winced and sucked his breath in with a rasp as he felt himself being stretched and filled. He let out a whimper when Soldier was completely inside him.
Though the wizard struggled to get his thin arms completely around Soldier's huge torso, Soldier waited for Merasmus to embrace him. And when Merasmus pulled on the collar around Soldier’s thick neck, Soldier knew that he was settled in and ready.
So Soldier began shoving his dick violently in and out of Merasmus’s ass, pushing a wheezing gasp out of Merasmus with every thrust. Just like he'd been told to do when Merasmus first summoned him. He was made for this very purpose after all, to serve the whims of whoever called on him. And the first thing Merasmus told him to do was fuck him, and so that’s what Soldier did to him and continued to do for him.
The printer mechanically pumped out more pages with every clack of its assembly.
With every forceful thrust into his ass, Merasmus’s hands clawed further down Soldier's muscular back, creeping into Soldier’s tank top. The wizard’s nails left long red lines and trickles of blood, leaving crimson blots in the already sweat-stained tank top. Soldier wondered how the creaky old wizard could take so much. Merasmus felt like he would shatter every time Soldier's hips slammed against his ass. He would happily slow down if Merasmus told him so. But he was never told otherwise.
"Good boy."
Soldier's face heated up, and he went in to kiss his roommate. Merasmus turned his head. Soldier settled for pressing his lips and face into Merasmus's cowled neck. Merasmus smelled like stinking plants. Like dying flowers and strange oils that made Soldier's head feel light. He smelled nice.
It wasn't just the way he smelled that made Soldier dizzy. He thought about Merasmus in his arms, Merasmus touching him, Merasmus letting Soldier touch him, Merasmus telling Soldier not to touch him. That made him feel confused. But he was happy.
"You're doing very well right now."
He felt Merasmus's chest tighten and breath hasten underneath him. His body was cold in Soldier’s arms, and his bones jut out in awkward painful angles that hurt when Soldier tried to hold him. But Merasmus's presence made Soldier feel warm even when his roommate would push him away. Soldier held onto that warmth. It motivated him to keep going.
Merasmus's hand rubbing the back of his head was motivating as well. Feeling Merasmus's sharp nails rake against his scalp sent heat down flooding through his face, and fire down his spine.
The heat made him piston his hips faster and harder, mechanically pumping away with wet slaps against each others' bodies. It felt like their bodies were in the way, he wanted to be as close to Merasmus as he could, more than he physically could. He pried Merasmus away from the wall and held him closer. He felt his stomach rub against Merasmus's thin erection. The pre-cum leaking from Merasmus's dick reassured him that he was doing his job well. And so did the encouragement Merasmus whispered into into Soldier's ear. Good boy, doing so well, keep going.
He always got scolded when he thought he was doing good though. He needed to hear Merasmus tell him he was being good.
"Am I a good dog? Am I doing what you want me to do?"
"You're the best. You're making me feel very good right now."
Ears burning, face burning, it didn't take long after hearing that for Soldier to cum. He tensed up, embraced Merasmus as close to his own body as possible. He pushed his roommate's bony hips as far down onto his dick as he could, so the heat would spill out from him and into Merasmus. Maybe if he could make Merasmus feel that warmth, Merasmus could be happy too.
Knowing that he could make his roommate happy made Soldier happy.
"Stop now."
He couldn't hear him, it was so slick now with the semen inside and so warm. Still hard, Soldier started thrusting again. He wanted to stay inside Merasmus for as long as possible if it meant staying with him. He felt Merasmus's grip tighten in his hair, then release.
Merasmus slapped him across the cheek.
"No. You know you're not supposed to take my virginity."
Soldier stopped. Merasmus told him to stop, and he always tried to listen to him even though it was hard. His cheek stung. Merasmus's nails cut him there.
He slipped his dick out, and leaned back a bit to give Merasmus space to breath. Merasmus reclined against the wall, and Soldier watched as cum started to dribble out of his ass.
"Put me down, please."
Soldier lifted Merasmus, and turned from the alchemy desk to carefully place his roommate onto the nearest sofa.
Merasmus was so light, he hardly left a dent in the cushions. He liked the way Merasmus looked resting on the floral fabric. His body looked especially frail with his knobby knees knocked together, and his protruding hip bones gray against the black cloth of his robe. The layers of the robe cascading down the sofa made Merasmus look like a bride.
He wanted to feel Merasmus's body again. He pawed at Merasmus's bare thighs, thumbed at Merasmus's erection still wet with pre-cum.
"Are you sure you don't want --"
"Yes. I'm quite sure. Please go now, and collect your belongings from your room. You'll be leaving this house tonight."
Soldier pulled the hem of Merasmus's robe back over his legs, and smoothed it down clumsily. His fingers trailed on the fabric over Merasmus's thighs, reluctant to let go. He stood up, and hesitantly stepped back.
Soldier picked up his helmet from the floor and clutched the nametag on his collar. Then stumbled out of the room.
---
Sprawled across the sofa, Merasmus listened to the sound of Soldier's heavy boots echoing across the empty castle. Once they quieted, he pushed his erection between his legs where it wouldn't be much of a bother.
The virginity excuse was bullshit, and he knew it was bullshit. Even Soldier probably knew it was a lie. They'd fucked on the very first day that he summoned Soldier with no negative effect on Merasmus's power. He had only summoned a familiar to take his virginity after all, and he had planned to discard it after using it. It wasn't the most proper act in the wizardry world to summon creatures into the mortal plane for simple carnal desires, he should have discarded it as soon as he was done with the deed. But he grew attached to getting fucked, and he couldn't bear to be alone again. So they kept on fucking with no consequence.
As he grew more attached to his familiar, Merasmus felt a sinking wrongness for using it-- no, him as a sex object. Soldier was completely unaware of the illicit reason for his creation, and he no idea why he always felt that torturous burning ache to have sex with Merasmus, no idea why he always felt empty and craving. Merasmus knew why Soldier turned to destructive tendencies in between sexual sessions.
Perhaps if Merasmus could break the summoner-familiar bond between him and Soldier by letting him go, and letting him forget, Soldier would find a better purpose for his existence and his familiar's emptiness would cease.
Merasmus wiggled up into a sitting posture, hunched over with his arms supporting him. His vision slowly came back into focus as he took in the view of the rubble and papers littering the floor.
The printer continued to clack and mechanically pump out neon green pages of Soldier’s smiling face into the cold room. Merasmus massaged the bridge of his nose. He'd still have to find someone to actually take Soldier in, and he'd been trying for the last week. Soldier wasn't exactly trained for normal familiar functions, like channeling horrific power from the depths of hell, or getting groceries from the store. Though Soldier did act as quite a good guard dog. The corpses with mangled necks often left on the lawn weren't just leftover Halloween decorations.
Merasmus unplugged the printer.
The printer whirred down, and the last flyer fell onto the floor to join its neon green brethren. Maybe if he espoused Soldier's loyalty, he'd find someone to adopt the little fellow. Perhaps not another magician who'd easily see what Soldier had been used for. A military outlet? Soldier seemed fond of watching war movies and propaganda on television, and the training regimen seemed like it would good for Soldier's need for discipline and purpose.
Yes, he'd inquire on whether the United States Army was currently recruiting.
If not, certainly smaller unsanctioned groups would be looking for doggedly devoted killing machines.
The castle would be howlingly empty once he found someone to take Soldier away from him.
End Notes
I am aware that "grinded" is not a real word, but rather a slang term invented for the purposes of getting hyphy and/or crunk.